Sunday, April 14, 2013

Thawing out

As I mentioned before, it was a long cold winter.  Physically, emotionally, mentally, I was zapped.  In my typical "woe is me way," I looked to blame it on so many other factors than just myself - the friends who I missed, the husband who uprooted our life so awesomely, the frigid weather.  I stopped writing, I focused on the negative, I felt sorry for myself.

I do not deny that all of us have these moments.  At 8 months into this though, I have to use all the tools in my mental health arsenal to stop it.

First step is forgiveness.  There are reminders of what forgiveness looks like all around me.  The grass is green again, as the ground has forgiven the frost that laid across it for so many months.  The tulips are blossoming, and the other flowers are spritely, despite of the crisp chill that still happens some mornings.  A gnome has found its way back into my heart and I will follow it back to the place where I smile biggest.

Being in a partnership is the hardest thing I have ever done.  Forgiving your partner for his human errors is so much more difficult than anyone ever explained to me.  No partnership exists without forgiveness, however.  I am such a bully when I don't get my way, and he is so stoic.  These two characteristics make for unhappy bedfellows.

My main struggle has been believing that if I forgive you, this means I condone your behavior.  Or perhaps it could be that I am most comfortable behaving like a spoiled little girl.  I am betting it is somewhere in the middle.  As the springtime ramps up and the thaw begins all around me in nature, I feel it happening in my own soul.  For this I am grateful.

The language that we speak is so different.  You speak through actions, I speak with words.  I am the first to say, "I am unhappy and it is your fault."  You stalk around the house angry that I don't see the good stuff.  We are quite a pair these days.  I will be eternally grateful for the moments when we sit down on the floor and begin to see eye to eye again.  These are so necessary and we need to do them more.

Thank you, Nascar Pitcrew, for giving me new floors to sit on.  I promise to use them more and recognize them for what they are.  A gift for us, from you.

New floors in our house, all work done by Nascar Pitcrew

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About Me

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I am Nurse Bacon, a registered nurse who works hard and and lives a full life with her husband, Nascar Pitcrew. A little surly and a little sensitive, I am very much enamored with life and its nuances.