Monday, July 18, 2011

Peaceful Struggles

So....this is a hard one to write.  I have been peacefully struggling lately with transitioning some things in my head and in my life.  I wrote a few months ago that I really wanted to start sewing more, being more creative.  It has been a real struggle to break down the creative block - ie fear- that exists in my brain.  Somehow that perfectionist has taken hold of the synapses and prying that hold off has been tough.  

It seems that there are so many things I could do better in this life.

Drink Less
Exercise More
Eat Better
Be Creative
Stop Watching TV
Cook Well
Have More Patience
Make Love More
Call Friends More
Visit Family More
Work Less, but Get More Done when I am There
Save Money
Be Free and Live For Today
Family Planning - count the days, plan loving around a calendar...
Go Back to School

The list goes on and on...I get tired just getting up in the morning and thinking about all the things I will not get done.  Even as I write this statement, I laugh.  Wow, sometimes I just need a break from my mind and its incessant direction and instruction.

So, What have I done about it?


I took one week off from drinking.  It was successful, but it is summertime, it is time to visit friends, celebrate birthdays, and be a little relaxed.  I still wonder if I use the spirit of alcohol too much - I have gotten really used to the liquid courage, the spirited relaxation, and have been known to say the hangover is like a re-set button.  I do know that I was born with the physiology of an addict, so I will always struggle with this question.  Secretly, I admire some of those truly enlightened hippie folk who have evolved past the intoxication of alcohol, and wonder, could I be like them one day?  But then life happens: the cat starts peeing on the wood floors again, Nascar takes on a big art project in the desert, my patient load was heavy for 3 days straight, and a glass of wine can just really take the edge off.

The dress I made with Diane's Guidance
During my week off from drinking, we traveled to Stagecoach, Nevada to visit the in-laws.  Nascar began laying the hard wood floors for his dad's new house, and I sewed (!) a new dress, with my mother-in-law's guidance.  It was so much less scary with someone beside me who knew what they were doing.  Maybe I should take a class...I guess I will add that to the list too.  The dress will be a good addition to the Burning Man wardrobe.

My Dress matches Ginsu Bunny's dress
Nascar has been so busy, traveling to Nevada to work on his Dad's house and to assist with the Surly Bird re-build for Burning Man.  Strangely enough, the gods seems to be conspiring against us.  We keep getting denied our passes, permits, etc.  It is a true test of teamwork and personal moxie to keep the groove going for this fabulously motley crew of friends.  All things are dynamic, and only change is the one constant.  It will be interesting to see what the Surly Bird, as well as the Surly team is re-born into. 

I do love so many of my teammates, and was so pleased to spend a special weekend with Sil and B-rent at her place in the country.  It has a special place in her heart, because it was her Dad's last home, and I felt blessed to see the big cat's habitat!  Wishing I lived closer to so many of my teammates so I could spend more time like this with them!

The Water Tank

This is sooo Bob!

Thug #2

My Beloved, Thug #1

1 comment:

silvia said...

' All things are dynamic, and only change is the one constant.'

Well said my friend.


About Me

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I am Nurse Bacon, a registered nurse who works hard and and lives a full life with her husband, Nascar Pitcrew. A little surly and a little sensitive, I am very much enamored with life and its nuances.