As I delve into my heart for its cause, I feel only sadness. Perhaps this is depression? Perhaps this is just one of life's little lows. No matter, it is there.
My life as Nurse Bacon, and the friends I made at Burning Man or because of Burning Man have meant the world to me. This year I came home slightly satiated (thank you Silvia and Faith) but mostly feeling run down and disconnected from many of those same loved ones. It was a whopper of a let down. After months of wedding planning and festivities, this what we are left with? Even Nascar was let down by his Burning Man experience.
The last 3 weeks home since Burning Man have been about rebuilding the life we have. We rearranged our house, I just finished cleaning it better than it probably ever has been. We are about to replant the garden for fall. I am riding my bicycle to work a lot! Really, the last three weeks have been about keeping the faith. Life isn't always a fairy tale, and lows exist right alongside the highs. I think sometimes when I hit a low, I become afraid it is going to stay. I forget that I call the shots now...Little B loses faith. So Big B steps in and shows her who is in charge.
I am really lucky to have the people I do in my life. Nascar is a gift from the goddesses to show me how to have faith in men again. He cares for me and caters to me in a healthy way. I would not be in the lovely setting I am right now, without him. I really need to have more faith in this...I told him today my goal for the fall was more sex and more cooking...I may get the hang of this wifey thing still!
As for the anxiety, I can feel its' clutches loosening. I think by Halloween I will be carefree and lovely again. Until then, I pray to the gods and goddesses of music, creativity and loving to get my out of this funk. I think the new bedroom will help a lot too.