Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Clearing out the Blackberry Brambles
The ease of enjoying life is returning. I am most surprised at how much the last month's stressors had worn on my body and my mind. It is refreshing to laugh easily and to enjoy a casual meal with friends and not feel paranoid. We are working on our backyard and garden building right now. Playing in the dirt, and creating an even more comfortable home have been wonderful tonics to all the anxiety. Plus a healthy dose of relaxation, including easing off of work for a bit, getting a massage, and many naps, has snapped my psyche back into place. Thank you to my patient and sweet husband, for loving me through the good times and the bad. You are my rock, my true love, and the best gift I have ever received from the Universe. Gabby, having you as our roommate is a blessing. I am so grateful for you!!!
The theme of the last year for this blog has definitely been relationships. Parental, friendship, my desire to have a baby. My blogging has been a sort of public journal, and allowed me a space to feel heard, without saying too much to any one person. I am grateful to have such a space. I am an avid fan of psychological therapy. Exploring my own mind has been a great joy to me. It is only in the last year that I have realized that not many friendships are set up for this type of truth sharing or truth seeking. I once thought that all friendships were the same. I once fancied myself a good friend to many. I now realize that there are friends I share and we come together, well, just for the party (as my friend Silver likes to say). Then there are friendships I have based on truth sharing, but with a healthy set of boundaries. Depending on the person, depending on the relationship, our boundaries may change with time and situation.
Today is my dad's birthday. He is very angry at me right now, for reasons unknown to me. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that he has an untreated bipolar disorder. I wish things were different. I wish I could give him his gift in person. I wish we could be friends with healthy boundaries. Another thing Silver often says is, "Never put anything in writing." I wish I did not have to write this down, but I must, for it is my truth.
Happy Birthday Dad. I love you. Since you will not see me today, I am going to a NAMI meeting tonight. National Association of Mental Illness. It is time to explore this condition you have, so maybe I can be a better friend to you.
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