Lightning Storms

It is late night, maybe midnight.  I sit in the Cooper's living room,having been forced out of the backyard by the rain.  WTF, this is NV!  

Everyone else is asleep, even Nascar.  I am just so excited about the Solstice, about the wedding, about getting to hang out with friends and loved ones this weekend in a major integration session.

Forgive the stream of conciousness with this post...things are just going big right now...I can only process it quickly and move on.

1.)  Nascar Pitcrew, thank you for opening me up.  For showing me how capable I am of loving not just you, but everyone that makes our life good.  I love that term...our life...We are signing on for a lifetime together.  My life has only become great since you came into it.  And it has nothing to do with material possessions or monetary wealth.  I feel rich in the good stuff, the priceless stuf, like love, friendship, self-respect.  

I cannot wait for Friday.  I cannot wait to sign onto a life with you, both legally and spiritually, in front of our family and our friends.  

I love my life.

2.)  Good friends are a blessing.  Lately I have felt so blessed, I only wonder what I did to deserve this.  So many good friends to share this momentous occasion with.  So much support.  And I feel capable of giving back something of sharing the good vibe.   The hippie mantras of my past are coming true:  Work like you dont need the money, love like you have bever been hurt, dance like no one is watching.  

3.)  Dad I am sorry you are not able to share this day with me.  I wish everyday I could remove the pain of your psyche, to make it ok for you to love me and be proud of me...but I can never compete with the power of war and the casinos.

I miss you tho.  Sad to miss this Fathers Day with you.  I hope you are ok.

4.)  Uncle David...I can't wait to see you.

5.)  Mom, thank you for always imparting the ideal that family that treats you good is important.  I hope I grow old with that ideal.  Despite our differences in how to implement, the intention for family support and relationship building is the same.

6.) Tigh get counselling and find your path to happiness.

7.)  Noah, I miss you already.  

Colorblind

Enjoying the glow of pre-marital stress.  The packing, the planning, the in-fighting among relatives.  It is a fantastic time.

Skating

I love roller skating.  

It is an official love affair.

I want to build a community roller skating rink for my little Bayview neighborhood.  When I am pregnant, I want to roller skate with my baby in the womb.  When I am a mommy, I can't wait to teach my kids some grace on wheels.

Most fun is disco roller skating.

I have a big bruise on my right buttock as a badge to my love of roller skating.

Marked for my love.

Wedding Belles Skate Party - pre party

Coolest weekend ever...Nurse Bacon integrated her friends on wheels, and from my perspective only fell down once.

I had a spill when becoming very nervous on Friday night about going out all night on a Surly Girl adventure, I became a little enflamed.  "Why go see BassNectar," I yelled.  "Don't yall ever get tired of this?"  

Of course, my Surly Girl crew laughed at my skittishness and placated my almost tears.  I was just feeling way out of balance and really tired.  As Say-rah-haha said, "we never get tired of having fun, Bacon."  Nice save....

Needless to say, I went out with the girls, then came home early.  Snuggling with Nascar Pitcrew is really the best place I know to be, and this was one of those nights that my favorite place needed to be heeded.  

Thankfully the Surly girls have grown to recognize my skittish behavior and often remind me to relax, take a nap, drink some water, or join the fun.  But never do they judge.  Thanks for the conversation Sarahtonin!

Garden of the Damned

Feeling rather damned if I do, damned if I don't today.  Such beautiful weather, too many options of good times to be had.  By 12 noon today, I had given up being a worthwhile partner in crime.  I was experiencing waves of selfishness at too great a speed.

This seems to be something I experience every once in a while.  The act of developing a partnership with Nascar is not all rainbows and lollipops.  I am in the habit of being a self centered or as I like to say, independent, woman.  I was not very good at sharing before meeting him.  I shared time with close female friends, many of whom are also very independent.  We took time for pedicures, barbeques at the park, shopping.  Then I would return to my little life, taking care of my little chores like laundry, food prep, etc.  It was easy...there was no one else to consider.

This week we are dog and cat sitting for one of my co-workers.  The animals are lovely companions, but boy was I pissed to have to get up early and take the canine critter to the beach.  I have only fostered dogs in my time; I had forgotten how much time a canine critter takes.  Luckily, Nascar is a born animal whisperer, so he took point on this activity.  I am scared that when he and I get a dog, as we plan to, I will harbor resentment towards the thing.  I know it will be extremely important for me to develop a personal connection with the dog, and we will have to choose wisely, one that fits for both of us.

So with my self-centered meltdown happening, I knew I had to protect the others.  I got snitty with Nascar, but he was quick to forgive after chastising me.  I cancelled plans with Silvia and Gabby - all they need is for me to melt down during their fun Sunday plans.  I ended up digging up one more garden bed in front of the vegie beds and another down near the secret garden.  I scattered a whole bunch of wildflower seeds in both areas.  It was so satisfying to dig up rocks and rake in seeds today.  It is hot out - at least 80*.  I even got tan lines...not cool, as I have a strapless wedding dress.  No more tank topped digging for me.  I think the wildflower gardens will be named Garden of the Damned.  

Back to the Blog

Since I last was blogging, so much has happened.  Most importantly for this site, was that I lost my camera in the Oakland airport.  Since one of the points of this blog was to have a place to enter photos, I have been less than motivated to blog.  But...now I have a MacBook and boy oh boy are my blogging instincts aware again.  I never believed it was possible to have a love affair with your computer.  But now I know for sure it is possible.  In fact I am in one.

This is a slick machine, so elegant and refined.  Yet the beauty behind the elegance is the simplicity, the friendliness of this computer.  Even the keys tap softer, make a more delightful clicking noise than my old Dell.  I am passing up snuggle time on the couch with Nascar to geek out on my Mac right now.  : )  This is a serious affair.

Despite my avid love of the MacBook, I am still marrying Nascar in June.  The wedding will be in Reno, we get to get married under our tree sculpture from Burning Man which is currently perched on the bank of the Truckee River.   I did buy my wedding dress...it is short and sassy and super cool.  I can't wait to rock the dress and rock Nascar's world!  We are destined for love and greatness together, this I am sure of.

The planning of the wedding has brought so many great discoveries to my heart.  I had no idea how important weddings were before now.  I guess you never really understand until you are in the moment.  The number of people excited about it, wanting to share in it, is overwhelming.  I feel so blessed and so in love with my family, my friends, and my Nascar.   I have never been one to accept things graciously, so this acceptance lesson has been a big one.

The only dark cloud to the whole thing is that my Dad has chosen to not come to the wedding.  I am sad, but not surprised.  He is a man who sees only reflections of himself when he looks into my eyes.  I do not think he is so comfortable with his reflection from my eyes lately.  I wish it was different, but I think for Dad, Nurse Bacon will never be fully integrated.

New Year Refresh

I have been away from blogging land...I ventured into the world of xmas shopping, funriture shopping, and moving! So busy, so busy...and I survived!'

It is Jan 2, 2009, and I am almost blissful. My friends are all healthy and spirited and lovely. My Nascar is creating art and using his heart in ways I did not know one could do without being hurt! I am on a path to enlightenment and health (at least for my lungs) as I am seriously attempting to stop smoking this year. I got to dance and dress up in my distressed ballerina outfit yesterday and go play at the freak shows!!! I hope this bliss lasts for a while. I have to go back to work tomorrow and the stress is on these days. Projects, layoffs, and still trying to be inspired by the act of caring for patients; not just seeing them as medical record numbers on their way to discharge or worse.

Things to blog about for 2009: Wedding dress creation, Hunters Point Castle renovation, gardening, my awesome girlfriends who keep me sane and snarky!, my family dramas, and of course just for cheesiness factor, my love of Nascar Pitcrew Powered by Bacon. Photos to come as well.